Today was a pretty emotional day for me. I went and had another fFN test, as well as another ultrasound. The test is still positive. Originally, we had hoped that the first positive test was a false-positive. Today's results confirmed that is in fact wasn't false. My ultrasound showed a lot of change in the cervix as well. So...we may have a baby sooner than later.
I went to the hospital to get shots of beta methazone, which is a steroid that will help the baby's lungs develop faster. I had this with Savannah, so I am confident that it will in fact make a substantial difference. So...it is is now a daily waiting game.
While I play this waiting game, I think about many things. I shed a few original tears, but have told myself that everything will be OK. Tonight, Charlie had some friends over to play cards. I was talking with one guy who is a RN. He said that he sees patients in the ER daily who only wish they could have our problems. Problems which we think may end our world, but in reality are just another stepping stone in life. There are people who don't have a roof over their head, a family to support them, food to eat or the ability to be loved by others. So...it could be worse. I could have other problems, and lack the strength to face them. But I don't, so I am blessed.
Everything will all work out, as things always do they way in which they are intended to. I have chosen to take the strong road from here on out. Only time will tell.
2 comments:
Hang in there Jen...before you know it this little one will be throwing a fit in the Hillsdale Mall, too! I love ya and I am thinking about you always...remember to have Ellie be your inspiration...every minute longer that she is inside you, is huge!
Hi Jen Brown. I'm Meggan, Jen R. sister-in-law. I just wanted to say that I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have pretty severe hyperemesis gravidarum and my entire household falls apart because I can literally hardly function. I go into pre-term labor and am dilated to a 3 by 30 weeks. The Ffn's are so annoying and so expensive to take every two weeks, especially cause I had to start taking them when I was 22 weeks along. Anyway, hang in there. I know every day is rough for you and that you just want to cry watching your girl sit in front of the tv or go off to do something with someone else, but I promise, it will all be a long distant memory soon. When you hold your new baby girl in your arms and look into her sweet, innocent eyes, you will say to yourself that every second of guilt, pain, suffering and worry will be worth it. I know you know this because you already have a little girl, but you forget. I would sit and watch my older two girls go on with their life while I was stuck in bed or hanging over the toliet and think "what have i done? Our family was fine before I got pregnant again." I thought for sure that I was traumatizing them and ruining their lives because I couldn't be a room mom or go on their field trips at school. It is all a distant memory now (more for them than me!) And we all pulled together to bring my little boy into our home. We have become a closer and stronger family because of it. I know you will too.
Hang in there. You will make it and try to think that you are giving your little girl the best gift she could ask for...a sibling. They will have each other for the rest of their lives and this is only a tiny bit of it that luckily your two year old won't remember.
I'll be praying for you!
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